Понимание основного содержания прослушанного текста
Вы услышите 6 высказываний. Установите соответствие между высказываниями каждого говорящего A–F и утверждениями, данными в списке 1–7. Используйте каждое утверждение, обозначенное соответствующей цифрой, только один раз. В задании есть одно лишнее утверждение. Вы услышите запись дважды.
Высказывания говорящих:
- A. I feel unhappy because I can’t change public attitude to our planet.
- B. I would like to see new energy saving laws introduced.
- C. I am afraid of the after-effects of human activities.
- D. I am sure that wise attitude to basic earth supplies is necessary.
- E. I do not want my family to live in polluted environment.
- F. I am for the use of energy saving practices in house construction.
- G. I find many simple ways to help our planet in everyday life.
Утверждения:
- I feel unhappy because I can’t change public attitude to our planet.
- I would like to see new energy saving laws introduced.
- I am afraid of the after-effects of human activities.
- I am sure that wise attitude to basic earth supplies is necessary.
- I do not want my family to live in polluted environment.
- I am for the use of energy saving practices in house construction.
- I find many simple ways to help our planet in everyday life.
Говорящий №1
Проводит мысли о необходимости изменения отношения общественности к нашей планете.
Говорящий №2
Выражает желание видеть введение новых законов о сохранении энергии.
Говорящий №3
Боится последствий деятельности человека.
Говорящий №4
Уверен в необходимости мудрого отношения к основным природным ресурсам.
Говорящий №5
Не хочет, чтобы его семья жила в загрязненной среде.
Говорящий №6
Поддерживает использование практик по энергосбережению в строительстве домов.
Говорящий №7
Находит много простых способов помочь нашей планете в повседневной жизни.
Я недавно вспомнил эту историю, когда студент попросил меня дать совет о некотором конфликте, который у него возник с классным руководителем. Он считал, что его классный руководитель иногда довольно нелогичен и неразумен. Я попросил его привести примеры конфликтов с этим учителем.
Он сказал: Ранее сегодня утром она пришла напомнить мне о необходимости подать заявку в университет до воскресенья. Я сказал: Да, я знаю. Вот мой план, в котором объясняется, что я буду делать день за днем. Учительница сказала снова: Хорошо, просто убедитесь, что вы подаете ее до воскресенья. Я снова ответил: Да, я знаю, мой план говорит, что я подам его до воскресенья. Она сказала: Вы должны обратить внимание на свое отношение. Я раздражился, потому что просто отвечал на ее заботу. Я не понимаю, почему она напомнила мне второй раз после того, как я показал ей свой план.
Еще один раз нам понадобилось навести некоторые столы и стулья для мероприятия. Мы всегда делали это определенным образом, но классный руководитель хотел сделать это по-другому. Я сказал: Если вы сделаете это таким образом, это приведет к определенным проблемам. Лучше сделать это привычным способом. Но она продолжала настаивать на своем, не предоставив никакой логической причины, поэтому я раздражился и повысил голос на нее.”
Эти два примера действительно напомнили мне о той невестке, которая сказала своей теще: Мам, если у вас появятся ко мне претензии, просто скажите мне прямо. Вам не нужно рассказывать другим об этом за моей спиной.” Если мы просто посмотрим на содержание этих слов, кажется, что это разумно. Но когда мы посмотрим на отношение за этими словами, мы видим сопротивление, раздражение и высокомерие, вот в чем источник их конфликта. У этого студента такая же проблема с его классным руководителем.
Середина дня, и почти нет результатов моего дня. Вместо того чтобы зачеркивать задачи в списке, я провел часы, пересматривая разговор, который я вел вчера с подругой из церкви. Я повторял ее слова и тщательно представлял, что мог бы сказать, чтобы сделать разговор более плодотворным. Но меня застигли врасплох, и я не был готов к ее критике и жалобам, или к своему собственному разочарованию и смятению во время прослушивания.
Выращивание мудрости в речах на каждый день
Размышления по поводу мудрого общения
Я нашел полезным (и вызывающим определенные трудности) задуматься о том, являюсь ли я непредвзятым в своем общении, особенно с людьми, не похожими на меня. Обращаю ли я с любезностью к некоторым людям, но не ко всем? Менее ли заинтересован я в точках зрения других? Действительно ли нахожу время на разговоры с людьми, которых мне трудно понять? Если быть честным, я виноват в фаворитизме – как в том, с кем я разговариваю, так и в том, как я говорю.
Хорошая новость в том, что нам не нужно чувствовать себя беспомощными по этому поводу. Святой Дух может изменить наши сердца и сделать нас более открытыми для людей, с которыми нам сложно найти общий язык. Он может смягчить наши сердца и снизить наш гордынию (). Почему бы сейчас не остановиться и попросить его об этом? Затем попросите его показать вам, с кем вы могли бы приблизиться на этой неделе, даже если это просто вопрос о их дне.
Взгляд вперед
Мудрое общение приносит хорошие плоды в жизни тех, с кем мы разговариваем. Мудрость с небес наполнена хорошими плодами (), и таковы и мудрые слова. Они приносят исцеление (), утешение (2 Кор. 1:4) и ободрение (1 Фесс. 5:11). Они приводят к покаянию (2 Тим. 2:25), прощению и восстановлению (2 Кор. 2:7-8).
Мы развиваем мудрое общение, предвидя возможные последствия наших слов и плоды, которые они могут принести. Молимся о том, чтобы Бог использовал наши разговоры, чтобы помочь другим расти в вере, любви, выносливости и надежде. И обдумываем, как это может произойти.
Каждый разговор – это возможность сказать слова, прославляющие Бога и благословляющие других. Давайте молиться о помощи Бога для развития мудрого общения и о вере в то, что наши слова могут иметь значение.
Об авторе
Кэролин Лейси – автор книги Говорите правильно: как ваши слова могут прославить Бога и ободрить других. Она – писатель, спикер и жена пастора. Она служит рядом с мужем Ричардом в У́стере, Великобритания, где работает на неполную ставку для церкви в качестве работника женского служения. Она регулярно читает Библию на женских мероприятиях и конференциях и является мамой двоих взрослых детей.
Какие двери открываются, когда мы перестаем маркировать происходящее с нами?
Я рад начать приключение с блогом Мудрое человечество этим рассказом. Это старая суфийская сказка, которую я впервые услышал в 2009 году от профессора Рао, с которым я сотрудничаю в тесном партнерстве с 2017 года и на чьих учениях основано само Мудрое Человечество.
Некоторые из вас, по крайней мере, интеллектуально, могут быть знакомы с концепцией, что события не обязательно всегда хороши или плохи, но это часто зависит от того, с какой перспективы мы на них смотрим.(Очевидно, здесь я не говорю о травмах или физических болезнях.)
Представьте розу. Мы можем сказать: Эта роза красива, но у нее есть шипы, что придает ей негативный оттенок, или мы можем сказать: Несмотря на шипы, эта роза красива, что дает ей позитивный оттенок. Таким образом, это факт: у этой розы есть шипы, но наше отношение и даже наши эмоции к ней изменяются значительно и, фактически, идут противоположными путями, в зависимости от того, как мы решим на это смотреть.
Отказ от двуединостей хорошего и плохого: Более мощный подход
Once upon a time, an old farmer lived in a valley with his son, a handsome and dutiful youth. They lived a peaceful life despite a lack of material possessions. They were very happy.
One day, the old man borrowed money from the neighbours to buy a young and beautiful horse. The very same day he bought it, there was a huge storm. The frightened horse jumped the fence and escaped into the hills. The neighbours came to express their concern, "Oh, that’s too bad. How are you going to work the fields now? And how are you going to repay us?"
The farmer shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows?"
A few days, while walking in the forest to gather new ideas, he bumped into his horse that was peacefully grazing the grass together with another eight fine horses. The farmer took them all, brought them back to the stable and built a taller fence so that the horses couldn’t escape. The neighbours again gathered around, "Oh, how lucky! We thought you were destitute, but look at you now, you can do much more work than ever before!" they said.
The next day, the farmer’s son fell off one of the new horses and broke his leg. "Such misfortune," said the neighbours. The leg healed crookedly and left the son with a permanent limp. The neighbours were concerned again, "Now that he is incapacitated, he can’t help you around, and he’ll never find a fine wife. That’s too bad."
Soon, the news came that war had broken out, and all the young men were required to join the army. The villagers were sad because they knew that many of the young men would not come back. The farmer’s son could not be drafted because of his broken leg. So the neighbours gathered around again: "How lucky! You get to keep your only son!"
And the story goes on forever.
How many times in your life has something bad happened that then turned into a blessing in disguise?
“I lost my job,” and I immediately started panicking, looking for new job interviews with anxiety, feeling inadequate, imagining mental scenarios where all my family and friends leave me and I live in poverty and loneliness, spiralling into “I’m not good enough” self-deprecation. But then, three months later, I found an amazing job, in a great company where I feel much happier.
“My partner left me.” And, while it’s absolutely ok to feel sad for the end of a relationship where we had invested time, hope, feelings and dreams, many of us then start telling ourselves things like “Nobody wants me,” “I’m never capable of keeping a partner,” “When will I ever learn?” etc., and we spiral into loneliness or even depression. But then, a few months later, we find a better partner or perhaps we’re happily single and absolutely happier now that the relationship has ended.
Exercise
Now, stop for a few minutes and reflect on your past.
Can you think of similar examples where something happened that you immediately labelled bad, but then it triggered a chain of events that actually brought you something much better and you’re much happier than before?
Now, when you look back, can you realise that all that suffering that you brought upon yourself was unnecessary? Do you also realise that it started the moment you labelled the event bad?
Consequently the question is, since we don’t know what will happen in the future, why do we rush to label events bad and bring suffering upon ourselves? I’ll repeat it:
Why do we rush to bring suffering upon ourselves?
Finally, here’s the tool that I would like to leave with you (based on the exercise above).
Events are events. They’re neither good nor bad.
They’re just events. Don’t label them.
When something desirable happens, by all means celebrate it.
When something undesirable happens, then, can you think of at least one chain of events triggered by that undesirable occurrence that will eventually bring much bigger happiness to you?
And also, can you think of one action that you can do to start moving in that direction?
Then don’t label what has just happened to you, don’t start your own suffering. There’s no need. You’re bringing it upon yourself by yourself. Just acknowledge that the event has happened, visualise the potential chain of events, and go take that one step, that one action in that direction.
What doors open when you stop labelling what happens to you?
Try using this template to apply this tool in your life and experience its power:
Over time, you can condition yourself to label events in a knee-jerk way. You can respond by saying to yourself with a smile, “Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows?” and freely choosing your next steps.
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Задание 1
Прослушайте 6 высказываний. Установите соответствие между высказываниями каждого говорящего 1–6 и утверждениями, данными в списке A–G. Используйте каждое утверждение, обозначенное соответствующей буквой, только один раз. В задании есть одно лишнее утверждение. Занесите свои ответы в таблицу.
A. I am sure that wise attitude to basic earth supplies is necessary.B. I find many simple ways to help our planet in everyday life.C. I am for the use of energy saving practices in house construction.D. I do not want my family to live in polluted environment.E. I am afraid of the after-effects of human activities.F. I would like to see new energy saving laws introduced.G. I feel unhappy because I can’t change public attitude to our planet.
Задание 2
Вы услышите диалог. Определите, какие из приведённых утверждений А–G соответствуют содержанию текста (1 – True), какие не соответствуют (2 – False) и о чём в тексте не сказано, то есть на основании текста нельзя дать ни положительного, ни отрицательного ответа (3 – Not stated). Занесите номер выбранного Вами варианта ответа в таблицу. Вы услышите запись дважды.
Задания 3-9
Вы услышите интервью. В заданиях 3–9 запишите в поле ответа цифру 1, 2 или 3, соответствующую выбранному Вами варианту ответа. Вы услышите запись дважды.
Задание 10
Установите соответствие между текстами A–G и заголовками 1–8. Занесите свои ответы в таблицу. Используйте каждую цифру только один раз. В задании один заголовок лишний.
2The longest on Earth
4Designing a building
5Invented by accident
7How did they do it?
8Why seasons change
A Most of Africa’s rural peoples use natural resources that are locally available for their homes. In grasslands, people typically use grass to cover the walls and roofs. In forested areas, they use hardwoods as well as bamboo and raffia palm. Earth and clay are also major resources used in construction. In areas with few natural resources, people often live as nomads, moving from place to place. Instead of making permanent homes, they usually use simple shelters or tents made of animal skins and woven hair.
B An architect must consider how a structure will be used and by whom. An apartment building, a palace, a hospital, a museum, an airport, and a sports arena all have different construction requirements. Another factor is the ideas the structure should communicate. For example, some buildings are made to impress people with a display of power and wealth; others – to make everyone feel welcome. Other things to consider are the location and surrounding environment, including weather, and the cost of materials.
C Did you know that an eleven-year-old child first created the Popsicle? The boy’s name was Frank Epperson. In 1905, Frank left a mixture of water and powdered soda out on his porch by mistake. It also contained a stir stick. That night, fortunately for Frank, the temperatures fell to a record low. As a result, he discovered the substance had frozen to the stick, and a frozen fruit flavoured ice treat was created. He decided to call it the epsicle, which was later patented by him and named as Popsicle.
D As Earth goes around the sun, the North Pole points to the same direction in space. For about six months every year, the North Pole is tilted towards the sun. During this time, the Northern Hemisphere gets more direct sunlight than the Southern Hemisphere and more hours of daylight. During the other six months, the North Pole is tilted away from the sun. When the Northern Hemisphere gets the most sunlight, it experiences spring and summer. At the same time, the Southern Hemisphere gets autumn and winter.
E In southern Peru, there is an isolated plateau where the wind almost never blows. Here, around the year 400 to 650 AD, the people of the Nazca culture created the famous Nazca lines, by removing the red stones covering the ground so that the white earth beneath was visible. These Nazca lines are actually portraits of animals such as monkeys, birds or fish. It is a mystery how such a primitive civilization could create such artwork with precision when they had no means of viewing their work from the air.
F Antarctica, which is the southernmost and fifth largest continent, does not have twenty-four-hour periods divided into days and nights. In the South Pole, the sun rises on about September 21 and moves in a circular path until it sets on about March 22. This “day”, or summer, is six months long. During this period, if the weather conditions are good, the sun can be seen twenty-four hours a day. From March 22 until September 21, the South Pole is dark, and Antarctica has its “night”, or winter.
G Any ship that hits an iceberg can be damaged. The most famous iceberg in history sank the “Titanic”, a ship travelling in the northern Atlantic Ocean, on April 15, 1912. The ship’s side scraped the iceberg, which tore holes in the hull. Within three hours, the ship was at the bottom of the ocean. After the loss of the “Titanic”, several nations worked together to establish the International Ice Patrol. Today the U.S. Coast Guard runs the patrol, which warns ships about icebergs floating in Atlantic shipping routes.
Задание 11
Прочитайте текст и заполните пропуски A–F частями предложений, обозначенными цифрами 1–7. Одна из частей в списке 1–7 лишняя. Занесите цифры, обозначающие соответствующие части предложений, в таблицу.
Russian souvenirs Russia is famous for its diversity, as well as its hospitality. The best way to show Russia to someone is to bring home something special. Matryoshka and balalaika are quite stereotypical presents. There are many other goods A_______________________. Woolen shawls have always been popular in Russia because of cold winters. The shawls made in Pavlovsky Posad, B_______________________, are considered to be traditional Russian gift. Woolen shawls and scarves have been made there since 1795. A wide shawl with a beautiful original pattern on it may be used like a blanket. It is nice to cover oneself up with it sitting in the armchair, watching a movie, C_______________________. The Pavlovsky Posad manufacture produces scarves for men as well. They can be bought through the Internet, or in brand stores, D_______________________. Belyovskaya pastila is a souvenir E_______________________. It has been made since the 19th century in the town of Belyov near Tula. This is a very special kind of Russian confection. Though it is called “pastila”, it is not a marshmallow style delicacy. Belyovskaya pastila is made of dried apples. After they have been dried, they are mixed with egg whites and sugar and whipped. Belyovskaya pastila is similar to a cake, F_______________________ of apples. It is considered to be a natural product, and it is not of average price. Tourists can buy this kind of sweet at some confectioner’s shops throughout Moscow.
Задания 12-18
Прочитайте текст и выполните задания 12–18. В каждом задании запишите в поле ответа цифру 1, 2, 3 или 4, соответствующую выбранному Вами варианту ответа.
For almost 125 years, the secrecy surrounding the recipe for Coca-Cola has been one of the world’s great marketing tricks. As the story goes, the fizzy drink’s famous ‘7X’ formula has remained unchanged since it was developed in 1886. Today, the recipe is entrusted only to two Coke executives, neither of whom can travel on the same plane for fear the secret would go down with them.
Now, one of America’s most celebrated radio broadcasters claims to have discovered the Coke secret. Ira Glass, presenter of the public radio institution This American Life, says he has tracked down a copy of the recipe, the original of which is still supposedly held in a burglar-proof vault at the Sun Trust Bank in Atlanta, Georgia.
The formula was created by John Pemberton, an Atlanta chemist and former Confederate army officer who crafted cough medicines in his spare time. In 1887, he sold the recipe to a businessman, Asa Griggs, who immediately placed it for safekeeping in the Georgia Trust Bank.
Glass came across a recipe that he believes is the secret formula in a back issue of Pemberton’s local paper, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, while he was researching an entirely different story. Tucked away on an inside page of the 8 February 1979 edition, he stumbled on an article that claimed to have uncovered the closely guarded 7X formula.
The column was based on information found in an old leather-bound notebook that belonged to Pemberton’s best friend and fellow Atlanta chemist, RR Evans. Glass was intrigued and, after some digging, found that the notebook had been handed down over generations until it reached a chemist in Georgia called Everett Beal, whose widow still possesses it.
The rediscovered recipe includes extract of coca leaves, caffeine, plenty of sugar (it specifies 30 unidentified units thought to be pounds), lime juice, vanilla and caramel. Into that syrup, the all-important 7X ingredients are added: alcohol and six oils – orange, lemon, nutmeg, coriander, neroli and cinnamon. The formula is very similar to the recipe worked out by Mark Pendergrast who wrote a history of the drink in 1993 called For God, Country & Coca-Cola.
Coke’s secret recipe is, in fact, partly a myth. The soda has changed substantially over time. Cocaine, a legal stimulant in Pemberton’s day, was removed from the drink in 1904 after mounting public unease about the drug. Extract of coca leaves is still used but only after the cocaine has been removed.
In 1980, the company replaced sugar, squeezed from beet and cane, with the cheaper corn sweetener that is often found in American food and drink. Coke fans were not impressed.
Задания 19-24
Прочитайте приведённые ниже тексты. Преобразуйте, если необходимо, слова, напечатанные заглавными буквами в конце строк, обозначенных номерами 19–24, так, чтобы они грамматически соответствовали содержанию текстов. Заполните пропуски полученными словами. Каждый пропуск соответствует отдельному заданию из группы 19–24.
Задания 25-29
Прочитайте приведённый ниже текст. Образуйте от слов, напечатанных заглавными буквами в конце строк, обозначенных номерами 25–29, однокоренные слова так, чтобы они грамматически и лексически соответствовали содержанию текста. Заполните пропуски полученными словами. Каждый пропуск соответствует отдельному заданию из группы 25–29.
Задания 30-36
Прочитайте текст с пропусками, обозначенными номерами 30–36. Эти номера соответствуют заданиям 30–36, в которых представлены возможные варианты ответов. Запишите в поле ответа цифру 1, 2, 3 или 4, соответствующую выбранному Вами варианту ответа.
Henry Thompson, a writer, built a hut on the shore of the pond and lived there all alone for two years. He did this for two reasons: because he wanted to 30_______________ that people spend too much time and money on food and clothes and because he wanted a perfectly quiet chance to write more books. 31______________ to the writer, he spent only one hundred dollars a year while he lived in this hut. He raised beans on his land, ate wild berries, caught fish and “went visiting” his friends and neighbours now and then. To buy his woodsman’s clothes and a few necessities, he planted gardens, painted houses, and cut wood for his friends. This period influenced Henry’s creative work a lot. He wrote a book called “The Wood” which 32_______________ us all about these seven or eight hundred days he lived in his hut. Several other books also describe the time when he 33_________________ to live all by himself. These sold very well. In all of them Henry was boasting that he had found the only sensible way to live. “I am for simple living, and I 34______________ being alone!” he would declare in his books. He 35___________ you feel, when you read his books, that it is fine to walk around the fields, sniffing the wild grape and the green grass, and that no one can find pleasure like the man who rows, and skates, and swims. 36_____________, people passing by the pond used to hear him whistling old ballads, or playing very softly and beautifully on a flute, and they thought he sounded lonely and sad.
При выполнении заданий данных разделов вам помогут мои пособия:
Методичка “Грамматика для ЕГЭ и ОГЭ”
Методичка: “Словообразование для ЕГЭ и ОГЭ”
Методичка: “Фразовые глаголы”
Методичка “Лексика для задания 30-36 ЕГЭ. Лексическая сочетаемость”
The Second Incident
I decided to move on to the next incident. “Let’s talk about your other incident regarding the table and chairs. You thought that your home room teacher was illogical for raising wanting to arrange the tables and chairs in a new way. But did you check with her why she wanted to do it that way?”
He said, “Yes. But her reason didn’t make sense. She thinks it is a good idea, but if we actually do it, she’ll realize the problem. I tried to explain it to her but she didn’t listen. I understand you said I should respect her, but what if her idea is wrong?”
I said, “That is a very valid concern. Our elders are not sages. They have faults and problems too. Some are serious, some are minor. If they want to do immoral things like killing, stealing, cheating, or lying, then of course we need to stop them. But if it is something minor, then we can gently advise them. If they are still insistent, we should yield and let them have what they want. Otherwise, it will make them very annoyed and upset, and we don’t want them to be upset. We can wait until they are in a better mood to try advising them again. In your case of arranging the tables and chairs, is that a major issue or a minor one?”
He said, “I guess it is pretty minor.”
I said, “Exactly. So you are wrong for being so stubborn about it. I used to have conflict with my mother, but later I made a rule for myself: Harmony is more important than logic. Harmony is king. So when my mother asked me to do something that I felt was illogical, and she couldn’t persuade me, I still did it anyway. These are all minor things. Maintaining harmony is a major thing.”
He asked, “But why are you able to prioritize harmony when their idea is illogical? Don’t you feel a little bit reluctant?”
I said, “Yes, at the beginning, I had to force myself. But over time, it gets easier. Ultimately, it goes back to cultivating our gratitude and respect towards the other person. In the case of my mother, I remind myself that without my mother, I would not be here today. Our parents go through so much hardship, trouble, and worry for us. If I make her upset, then that is like stabbing a loved one in the back.
In the case of your home room teacher, can you feel how hard she works for all of you students? She is not that young, and her health is not excellent, but she still works so hard for all of you. Without her, would you have this study environment? Can you feel that she really wants you to have a bright future, and that’s why she worries sometimes? Are we deserving of this kind of love? Do we repay their love with respect? If not, then shouldn’t we be ashamed of ourselves?
When we deeply appreciate the other person, we would not argue about every little thing, we’d let them have what they want because we want them to be happy. Maybe arranging the tables her way might be a bit inconvenient, but the way you made her feel is the important thing. You can do it her way first, then ask her again afterwards. Maybe once she realizes her method is not that great, she will change. But even if she doesn’t change, it’s fine because it’s a small matter, and making her happy is much more important. When she feels that you have a respectful attitude towards her, your relationship will naturally get better. So the root of everything goes back to your attitude.”
By this point, we had chatted for nearly two hours, and I could feel that his mentality towards himself and his home room teacher had started to change. He felt less confused and helpless in his conflicts with her, and he had some ideas for how to improve.
The First Incident
I said, “OK, I can see why you might get upset at your home room teacher. But let’s try to jump out of your perspective and see the whole situation more objectively. When your home room teacher reminded you to submit your application on Sunday, what kind of intention did she have? Was it negative, neutral, or positive?”
He said, “Probably positive. She was just trying to remind me to do something I need to do.”
I said, “I agree. But you did not see her positive intentions. Instead, you got annoyed at her. Why?”
He wasn’t sure.
I continued, “I think it might be because you were overly focused on the matter. She mentioned the application, and right away you said you already know. If you were focused on her kind intention, you would have said ‘thank you’ first. Try seeing things from her perspective. If you do something nice for others, but the other person treats you disrespectfully in return, how would you feel? Most of us would feel annoyed or upset. That’s just normal human sentiment.”
He nodded slowly in agreement.
I then added, “We can go deeper here. At the beginning when she reminded you the first time, you did not feel gratitude. Instead, you felt annoyed. I think you might have unfair prejudice towards her. You often view her actions as illogical or causing trouble. But let me ask you: Do you think anyone purposely tries to be stupid? Do you think anyone purposely tries to be bad? Of course not! We all do the things we do because we believe it is the right thing to do. Besides, your home room teacher is a kind person! There’s no way she is purposely trying to cause trouble or upset you. So why do you have to view her actions as causing trouble?
So the root of your problem is your unfair prejudice towards her. Every time you have a conflict with her, the matter is different. This time it’s the university application, next time it’s the tables, another time it will be something else.”
He nodded and said, “Yes! I feel like there’s always new things arising that cause conflict between us!”
I continued, “Exactly. Even though the matter changes each time, the root of the conflict never changes, and that root is your attitude towards her. If you truly respect and appreciate this teacher, you would’ve said something like, ‘Thank you teacher. I have already made a plan to make sure I submit it on time. Could you have a look and let me know if it is OK?’
Or even better, you would have taken initiative to report this plan to her before she had to remind you. So basically, she came to you with positive intentions, yet you replied with negative emotions. So the problem actually started with you, not with her. When you encounter a problem, don’t blame others, always reflect on yourself.
He said, “Wow I never thought of it that way. How would you think to say, ‘Thank you teacher. Here is my plan. Can you check to see if it is OK?’ I feel like I can’t think of that in the moment.”
I replied, “Great question. Like I said earlier, you need to cultivate a respectful attitude. When you truly respect someone, you would naturally know to say this. Have you ever heard of Seven Timely Acts of Love? Those are really important for cultivating respect. Anyway, I’ll just give you three to practice with your teacher: Ask for guidance, check your understanding, and report your results. You should do this towards all elders, whether it be parents, teachers, or leaders. For example, after our discussion, you can report your key learnings to that teacher. Then she would feel like you respect and trust her, and she can remind you of these lessons in the future too.”
He looked a bit reluctant, so I said, “Maybe you feel like your trust level towards her is not there yet. But she is a good person. She truly wants the best for you, and she has lots of life experience. Besides, the important thing is, you need to cultivate YOUR respect and humility. Let me ask you: Do you want to receive advice and guidance from wise elders?”
He said, “Of course.”
I said, “OK, so if a wise elder sees the way you treat your home room teacher, would he want to give you advice? You need to learn from Emperor Tang. No matter who gives him criticism, he always accepts it without argument.
One time, someone criticized Emperor Tang unfairly. Afterwards, a minister said to him, ‘Your highness, that person’s criticism was completely wrong! Why didn’t you argue back?’ Emperor Tang said, ‘If I had argued with him, then he would feel bad. After he leaves, he would tell people that he tried to advise the Emperor, but the Emperor argued with him. In that case, who would dare to advise me in the future?’
If you can be like Emperor Tang, then wise elders would definitely take initiative to give you advice.”
He looked surprised but convinced.
Concluding Thoughts
The problem that this student had is also a problem I am working on, and I think it is a problem most of us have. Hence, my intention for sharing this story is to help myself and others avoid this problem. It’s easy for us to see other people’s problems, but it’s much harder for us to be aware of our problems. That’s why when we have conflicts with others, it is often helpful to get advice from a wise, neutral third party.
In this case, I was able to help this student because that story of the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law was fresh in my head, and I didn’t have any partiality towards the student or that home room teacher. But just because I am able to give this advice doesn’t mean I can practice it consistently, so this is also a reminder for me to walk my talk and not be a hypocrite.
Let us all work towards this goal: When things don’t go according to our wishes, don’t blame others, don’t blame circumstances, find our own problems and improve ourselves.